Back from the dead,atleast for the time being!

At last a breather of some sorts! Although I don't know for how long it's gonna stick, may not be enough for more than a week, going by the way I am performing. But truely speaking I would have gone into a shell if i had disappointed myself for yet another day, this Sunday. I have had enough of it for the last 1 month or so.So I had already told myself to treat the day as now or never. Strange are the God's ways at times! I have been so hard at it (i really did so honestly!) for weeks, but still , anyone who will have a look at my recent mock scores will straightaway tell me to stop wasting my time at it and advise me rest! Each and every week,the same silly story gets repeated..silly,silly and more silly mistakes. 4421-1244=3277. Wow,what a subtraction! Seems like my extra love for mathematics have puzzled my brain a bit too much. Its these silly mistakes again which revive me again after every failure, telling me that 'thank God, I am clear at my concepts! Its only the silly mistakes, i can get rid of them.' But seldom this does happen, nor is it supposed to be so. Afterall, silliness is habit, a very dreadful habit indeed.
But I simply can not express myself in words about how light i felt the moment i finished my paper this sunday! I don't care how many more others are going to score.But i do know that i did relatively well, a lot more than I had expected given the mental state I am in-Completely down and out in confidence levels! The same sum which took me 5 mins to solve might have taken 2-3 mins during my happier days! An envelope of self-doubt has been created around me these days. Whatever things i do, i tend to double-check it although at the back of my mind I do know that its absolutely alright. With only one month to go for the D-day or rather the C-day whatever you call it, i have to come out of this recluse and get myself kicking again right the way I started it off. Not even in my wildest dreams had i thought that i can stoop to such levels of mediocrity after such a quick rise to brilliance.Well, i can't change now what has happened. The only thing i can and should do is look forward to coming weekends and gain back my real-self again. CAT is not the end of my life but its the one which can really change my life. But i would rather like to focus on what i would want to do with the cat.Not letting it to play on me , instead i would like to play with it.BEST OF LUCK to me!