Time to take control,myself..

3 days to go for the C-day. 1 day to go for the start of my journey. The only time I last went to Bangalore for 1 day's stay left me wanting more of it.One day seemed hardly enough for feeling the nicest weather I have ever experienced. I went there in the month of may or June after a few days stay in the hot and humid weather of Chennai.Every moment I spent there at bangalore made me feel like as if I have come down here from a distant equatorial place! But the comfortable weather of Bangalore came at some cost.It must be the costliest city of India by some distance. It seemed reasonable though at the end, that we had planned only a single day here otherwise our pockets would have been emptied out just enough to leave us stranded then and there.
But the excitement of revisiting that place for a stay of 2 days this time has slowly waned day by day.Sometimes I don't even feel like going down there for the fear of returning both empty handed and vacant minded. The more I try not to think of the consequences of that inevitable day the more I get the chill down my spine. All my life I been a person of high potential.I still think the same.But very rarely I have been able to translate that into action. Somewhere, something has been always missing in my whole effort. Sometimes I did'nt put in the desired hard work, or I did'nt have the required motivation to go all the way.But most of the times I think have faltered at the last mile.I have succumbed to the pressure of achieving something that looked so near yet so far. And that's where I had the biggest doubt and confusion about this whole thing. The saying goes when you work for something tirelessly with whole hearted spirit,the whole world conspires to get you the thing you desire! the term 'conspire' has a big meaning itself.It means that certain incidents or rather co-incidences will happen, just to favour you more than others if your effort is stronger. So if that is the case, why doesn't it happen till the end?
Exams like CAT are very much guided by chance and the position of your stars that day! (unless of course you are a brilliant student who is destined to succeed) The right choices and the right frame of mind can work wonders that day. But if the start goes wrong it becomes very difficult to recover at times, although possible. Something similar happened to me last yr. I faltered at the very beginning, misinterpreting the setting of the paper.In those few hrs it seemed like I am the biggest fool alive.Like as if, except me everyone is setting the paper on fire! But as it turned out in the end, it was one of the toughest papers of all times in cat's history! I simply went there with my pre-conceived notions of it be a standard paper.But a good start with right selection of questions wouldn't have done me any harm, isn't it?! I could have gained my calm and composure to tackle the tough questions with even more care. But instead what happened was that the circumstances conspired against me! well, did'nt I put in the deserving effort? yes, I did not, but not so poorly to have deserved much poorer result than what I had expected. Actually, the thing is as I believe, 'it is'nt over untill its over', as the famous saying goes in cricket. Writing the exam is also a part of the whole process, in fact the most important one. After one has done his job as good as possible, its time for god to deal with the situation ahead.He sets the things in place to manipulate the result in your favour! thats the only perspective i can think of. But what about the case of 9/11 when a bunch of ill-minded yet talented people concentrate there effort on killing thousands of people ? Can't we hope for some coincidences to happen just like in our Hindi movies , so that the guys get caught somehow in the act before their final act? were there efforts stronger than the bond of love and affection of the victims and their family? Might have been so, otherwise god would have been said to be prejudiced in his decisions.Did'nt we read in our old scriptures how the rakshasas prayed in the name of some god and he did answer their call and granted their wishes too.I believe its all a cause and effect game.Even if you do something wrong, if your conviction is strong enough you will succeed but in the long run somewhere down the line that will get balanced out for the intention behind the act was not pure .
Whatever is the secret behind all these, its impossible for a mere mortal like me to know the absolute truth.The only thing I know is that I just can't stop writing when I make a start! The thoughts just start cascading upon each other and I get tangled in them in the process. But not anymore, not for today not on 16th.I just want to remain detached from my thoughts as far as I can.I want my brain to act a bit more now. Because thats what will really matter on that day.
And whatever way I start the paper I wish I don't lose the faith in my own abilities.Afterall,slog overs are always there to hit back! ;)