No more..had enough of it!!

I don't remember the last time when after getting out of an exam hall after a REAL exam(the mocks don't count), I really felt confident that I have done well to get a good result.May be it was some meaningless routine end semester exam when it actually did happen. Otherwise the school exams are the only ones that I can think of, in distant past.Well, I am really getting clueless about my life now. I once used to think that its the wrong choices mainly, the ones influenced by some biased situations and my parents, that have pushed me down in my life apart from a not so hard working attitude. Now I wonder, whether I am even capable of making any good choice at all. They say, you should follow your heart and work towards things you are really passionate about in life. I thought, that I am doing the same and working towards my goal with utmost passion.I fell once, picked myself again. I stumbled many a times after my restart, but kept going on, hoping against hope that one day my hard work will pay off. I didn't lose hope nor my faith in the so called conspiracy theory of God. But NO, it didn’t work in the end. Not at all! I have fallen once again.I still don't know how it feels , nor do I know how to interpret this setback, yet again.

Sailing over the clouds on that plane the view looked so different, with all its splendor. Everything looked so small from the top, yet so colorful was the image. All of which I had watched since now in Wikimapia looked so absurd to me.Sometimes I thought they were not quite satellite pictures, but the impression of an artist’s imaginations.How wrong I was obviously! The geographical texture of the earth is actually what it seems to be on the computer screen, courtesy Google. I just wished that this high-flying experience never ends. I still wish the same, all the more now,for my feet are on the ground again. I am back to the form of an ordinary human being yet again. I don’t mind it anymore. I have become quite used to it now All that which hurts me is the pain and helplessness which I feel in my parents repeatedly, everytime they hope to expect some stroke of magic from me.And I fail to deliver every single time. Some people don’t get the chance they deserve for the lack of money.I on the other hand, waste my chances alongwith the money. I don’t know how much more they can withstand .I don’t know whether I can pay off all the debts I owe to them, in this present life.

I am getting exhausted .I have lost the required motivation, the guiding factor of one’s life..I just can’t carry on like this , pretending to everyone like all is normal. I need to do some soul searching now.But before that I need some rest. I am feeling a bit too tired.I don’t know how much time its going to take me.May be a couple of days of outing or a couple of weeks.May be more than that.And this break includes a leave from my blog too, for I don’t want to disappoint you few people I have as my audience, with these uninspired and sad tales of a loser.Afterall who the hell in this world would waste his time to hear my crap time and again! ? No one should, because time is precious.See you soon!