Some random Thoughts & Quotes, from a rambling mind of mine

Keeping it short.. that's what I vowed to do last time. Even that couldn't help me to stick to a regular routine of blogging small posts frequently though, evidently. Forget blogging, I recently lost a job opportunity (yet another; I have become an expert on this for sure!) at the last mile, for failing to keep my answers short. I not only managed to irk the interviewer in the process, he came to his conclusion within half an hr of conversation with me that I will not be good with clients as I am not 'short' and 'precise'. That's not the end, what irked me in turn was that he suggested I am not a good listener! I wished then and there for that interview to be over. How easily people start to judge and conclude things about others in a matter of Minutes. I know it's not easy for an interviewer to define the subject's character and suitability in half an hr or even more than an hr. But with the right questions and the right temperament it's not that tough either.

I consciously make an attempt myself to apply what I preach or criticize others for not doing. What better an opportunity could I have expected than interviewing a candidate myself for a small post in my company. I feel good about myself now, that I could overlook some qualities of the guy which were very poor, but not necessary for this Job description. He did possess what was simply needed from him; and i probed him on those aspects only. I wish my so called 'Interviewer' could see how much I listened rather than blurting out my intelligence. Needless to say, I gave a totally positive feedback and let the HR hire him..

This was not meant to be a 'venting out' post. But somehow it did. Coming back to the point, I pushed myself today to jot down few thoughts/one liners I came up with. There have been many in the past 2 years of solitude where I had time aplenty to ramble all I can. But I forgot most of them, simply due to my lack of effort to write them down somewhere. Without rambling endlessly anymore, let me put down some 'words of wisdom' from the internal tussles of my emotional mind with the logical brain - with a brief description of the thought process behind them.
Disclaimer - These are by no means some original, out of the world thoughts, although I do believe that nothing is original. Everything resides in our mind, we just need to search for it.

1. 'Future doesn't get written in a matter of minutes'

This thought arrived in my mind when I had been thinking in desperation, 'what could have I done more to influence a future outcome in my favour'. By future I meant near future. I realized all of a sudden (and that too at a traffic signal) that things aren't decided at a stroke of a few minutes or even days, merely by the choices we make - the classic 'free will' vs 'destiny'clash. If we could change our luck so easily (even by laborious hard work or perseverance), so as to say if free will could conquer luck/destiny more than often, then it would have been an utter chaos! a complete breakdown of cause and effect cycle. I couldn't crack an interview even after preparing to my complete confidence, because of my certain inadequacies and some things really out of my control. I couldn't have done anything on the latter, just nothing, no matter how hard i had tried. They were just meant to be, 'written' long back..
This line of thought gave me some peace nevertheless, atleast.. ;)

2. For me, 'Hope, (Not expectation, as many say), is the biggest source of misery'. On the contrary, it makes our life tick too..

'Hope is a dangerous word', that's what Morgan Freeman famously said in that epic of a movie 'Shawshank Redemption'. I can't agree more. A sense of Hope inspires us, guides us, and keeps us going against all odds. But hope without action can be cause of utter misery. And more often than not, we fall in that trap - hoping madly, even when hope ceases to exist. Only to realize it very late, and lamenting on it having wasted precious time and mental effort, terribly fatigued and disappointed as a result. We mature as we grow up and learn from the hard incidents how to atleast keep our expectations down if not control them fully. But hoping against hope is constant urge for seeking that light at the end of the tunnel, only to find a dead end. The point is, not to lose hope and move on quickly from our disappointments, instead of hoping mindlessly.

3. 'Nothing happens for Good, it just happens; just for a reason' 

 Yes, I firmly believe in this stream of thought. I can write a whole chapter of a book on it or hold a debate in it's favour. But more on that later someday. What I mean to say is, justifying something that has happened to be a precursor of good things to come in future is utter bullshit. Dare tell a child who just lost his parents in an accident, that it happened for his own good! That child might grow up to be a strong and tough human being. And you can say in hindsight that the incident was the turning point. Of course a turning point, but not a good one. One can only make it good through his extraordinary efforts to turn around that event or disappear into oblivion due to lack of it. It's all a matter of perspective. I have made my point I guess..

Last but not the least for the day, a still half-baked thought:

4. 'The struggle between making a conscious choice or simply letting it go (to choose for itself) is a damn tough one'

It occurred to me only yesterday, how it is easier said than done to simply 'let it go', just because you think it's not in your hands anymore. But some years or decades down the line you might regret, thinking 'if I could have tried a bit more'. Trying to the utmost possible level until you exhaust yourself and leave it to your luck or circumstances is the best a human being can do. But to know for certain if that level/point has come where it's not worth trying anything more, putting your guard down and waiting for the consequences is one of the hardest thing to do in my opinion. It can only come through practice, experience and old age wisdom I suppose.. ;)

This is what you call keeping it long!  I can't run a km without panting for breath, leave aside a marathon. But I can certainly write close to marathon of a post I guess. Let's put a full stop right here. Or else I will go mad going over board with these philosophical thoughts, that too at this young age...

Keeping it Short..

I haven't written a blog for almost 2 years now. I won't deal into why i didn't. Trying a cure for this long hiatus I go into from time to time. May be a short post here and there, once a week or two - may be treating my blog as a diary -  will set some regularity in my blogging habit (or the lack of it) once again.  So here it goes - first, a couple of inspiring lines that I read at this wonderful site called 'Farnamstreetblog.com - about saving time, by a Roman stoic philosopher called Seneca:

'What man can you show me who places any value on his time, who reckons the worth of each day, who understands that he is dying daily? For we are mistaken when we look forward to death; the major portion of death has already passed. Whatever years lie behind us are in death's hands.'

Second: this was quite a surprise, a bit shocking one I would say.. I have been thinking over a while on how would it be like if I had a friend who had very similar if not identical thoughts, tastes, passions or interests like I have? How would it be like to converse with him? Wouldn't it be liberating to open up to that person who will understand you better than anyone else, as he will reciprocate your thoughts, feelings and insecurities almost perfectly like a mirror? Can't he be the best friend one can have, if for one moment we cast aside the saying,'Opposites attract'? Well, I was going through this book, 'The Best of Satyajit Ray', a collection of 21 short Translated stories, and call it a coincidence or freakish, I found one of the possible and highly probable answers to it. The 2nd story of this book - 'Ratan Babu and that Man' turned out to be the one coming from Mr. Ray's brilliant and eccentric mind around 44 years ago, exactly about such a situation in life when you face a person who is a mirror image of yourself! It's a fascinating short and quick tale of 18 pages that i finished in a jiffy..

On a highly disturbing day (more so with myself and the happenings around) and a splitting headache, I prayed for a silver lining. I guess this unexpected 'kak-talio' (sort of miracle) incident was the one..

The Place called Home..

Its too cold out there tonight, in fact freezing. I didn't realize this sharp drop in temperature until I hit the roads for a 5 min walk for my dinner to my regular spot, at around 10. People wearing tight jackets, hands stuffed in their trouser pockets, muffler or any piece of cloth tightly wound around their ears. The all too familiar sight of winter around..  Its showing 9 degrees in Weather info section of my mobile. It's not that such chillness here in Pune was not expected at this time of the year, in fact according to the newspapers it had touched record lows here in the last 3 decades just a few days back. But it was also not expected that it's occurrences would be as erratic as it has been so far. Only 2 days back I felt quite normal at night to face the not so chilly wind in my Activa when i realized that I had forgotten to wear my jacket. Tonight it would have made me freeze in the middle of the road.. While it's unbearably cold outside now on the streets, its pleasingly comfortable here in my room with my windows closed. My instincts tell me to pick up that cozy (but not so thick) blanket, wrap it around myself tightly and go off to sleep or listen to some songs in my headphone and sleep off unknowingly beneath its warmth. But i had resolved myself a couple of hrs before that I won't go to sleep tonight before i put my thoughts onto a blog post.

Too many of them have been hovering in my mind for too long. Just random, slightly absurd, a bit logical, a  trifle provoking, somewhat introspective, even painfully sad.. just about every kind of thoughts have been idling in this mind in my spare time. I have to say I had very little spare time to allow my mind to contemplate so much. But its my mind afterall! one which i have failed to rein in as per my own wish for a long long time. Those long resolutions to sit down for a quiet meditation for atleast 5 mins for a start has fallen into my deaf ears and brain time and again. Before i let myself get carried away again into my wayward thoughts I better focus on what I had initially in my mind for this post to be about - HOME. Needless to say, for the past couple of months that's have been the most important thing in my list.

In somewhere around late August or early September, I don't quite remember precisely, torrential rains lashed the city that single day. It was one of those days when you didn't bother to carry your umbrella coz it didn't rain for the past few days, and you got tired of loading it in your bag, expecting the rain gods to sleep another day as usual. But the gods chose that very day to wake up and punish you for your non-persistence and rained at you with full ferocity. It neither seemed to stop nor even slowing down its pace in the evening when it was time to leave for home from office.I stupidly went to have a Wada pav in a stall just 10-15 meters away from my office and came back fully drenched. Thankfully I wore a t-shirt inside that still was comfortably dry. My friend staying nearby just 1 min walk from there urged me stay at his flat for that night. I had almost resigned myself to accept his invitation and come back the next day in that t-shirt of mine which was more suited for a weekend party than for attending a meeting in office, forget about giving presentations. But more than worrying about my attire, I sensed that I was getting restless about something, to return home. No it was not my actual home where i have the company of my parents, it was just a flat which i shared with another friend of mine along with some basic necessities occupying it. Still i felt a strong urge like never before to return to my flat, come what may.

And then it struck me. I could feel what a home means for millions of homeless people we hardly care about sitting in the comfort of our own furnished house. More than bearing a hungry stomach, which he might have got habituated to some extent in due course of time, it must have been much more agonizing for that beggar on the street to face a heavy rain under some rickety shade for a seemingly unending night. I see women cooking in the shade of a makeshift home under a flyover while their naked children crawl around in the dirt, men lying on the footpaths and stations under a torn filthy shawl, and countless of them who posses almost nothing. All of them have one thing in common, they don't have a HOME, a shelter to atleast sleep peacefully. In my idle time I must be thanking my stars every second, that I have been born with no worries about this one of the 3 basic necessities of man alongside food and clothing. Although a time did come in this past few weeks where i had to run helter skelter to find a new flat, since I had to leave my present one because of an extremely self-centered and selfish flatmate I have ever lived with. I don't want to crib about him anymore; have given him far enough space in my bitter thoughts than i should have, my blog will be blemished if i write one more word about him. Anyway, I finally found a more than decent and spacious flat for myself alone, although costlier but still quite affordable in my current standard of living. But for those who survive unimaginably poor conditions of living everyday this will feel like a heaven, for atleast 6 people!

A few days back on 28th of Dec it was quite cold as well when i had gone out to have my dinner at a nearby place called Jagtap dairy. While I was about to start my vehicle while returning, I saw something. Not a rare sight for any of us, but I couldn't stop myself of taking this pic somehow without any purpose..

My conscience didn't allow me to give away my Allen solly jacket to this fellow. I don't know even if i had made an attempt to do it if he would have refused it, not wanting to make someone feel him pitiable .Or even if I had made him accept it, there was no guarantee that he would still be allowed to wear it next day, the dark side of this world is not too kind as known to all. Nevertheless, I button-started my bike and left.

Have we ever wondered or even bothered to imagine how it feels to die in a bone-chilling shivering cold night. In tomorrow's newspapers, somewhere in the middle of it, in a barely visible small space there would be a few lines about 23 more dying in North India succumbing to the chill. Hardly a few of us will ponder how those lives might have been saved with a mere thick blanket for each one of them if not anything else. A government which can think about bringing about a cash transfer scheme concerning 100s of districts and billions of poverty stricken people in the country can't think of even distributing a few hundred blankets for the really needy as a start?! Why does it require an NGO, a spirited youth team or an ongoing NDTV initiative to help out these homeless people? Just like it required a brutal gang rape of that luckless girl to spark a much needed agitation that shook the so called ministers out of their slumber, maybe it needs an equally unexpected incident of epic proportions to raise an issue out of it. May be the Government doesn't find it's vested interests to be fulfilled by helping out these people who don't have a voter I-card to cast their ballot in it's favor. But it doesn't seem to understand that even with those vested interests if it reaches out to this seemingly uneducated, useless masses, it will generate much more goodwill and support on its side in due course of time. What can be expected from this elected people's representatives as we call them, who bother more about the security of the former president than the common man.

As rightly said by some forgotten old man, it's upon us to be the change what we want to see. Spending 2 and half hrs on writing about it won't change anything, someone might have just died out there right now as the cold gathers full steam at 2' o clock in the night now. We have to gather ourselves up and do something about it. Even donating a small sum of money or buying some little child a warm sweater wont burn a big hole in our pockets. Perhaps we can get inspired from the  effort put by a handful of people in TCS Chennai during their Christmas celebrations. They collected money from the everyone in the project teams and went to a orphanage for mentally and physically challenged people. They bought all their handmade articles and even gave away nearly a lakh Rupees of collected money to the orphanage. I can only represent them in pictures in my blog here and dedicate them to Aishwarya, the person closest to my heart apart from my parents, who herself was directly involved with all these activities..

And yes, as the rains mellowed down slowly I rushed for my office bag and got into one of those 6-seaters of Pune (all total 3 that needs to be boarded from Baner to Dange chowk!) and eventually reached home that day, drenched again, but in full spirits. Coz I was back home..

Stumbled again..

At times in life, one might have encountered a situation when you think that you have learned from your past incidents and gained enough experience from them to not commit the same mistake again, yet you do it again. Just when you were pretty sure that you have become matured enough to handle the same situation better than how you did it the last time around, you inadvertently fall into your own trap - trap of expectations. Thats what I did today.

Whats my fault? - simple, I got angry on someone. Differences are, that someone are 2 different  persons in these 2 circumstances, and the degree of friendship I shared with these two are a lot more different with respect to each other. I hardly knew the other person that day, while i kept thinking foolishly that I know enough.But today, I really thought that I have understand this person too well with course of time, to tell him anything I want. The feelings involved were the same - I just wanted a bit more attention in the eyes of the other person, I didn't mean to hurt anybody.But the fundamental error is the same, then and now - uncontrolled show of anger, and expectation.And I learned the lesson again, you hurt yourself when you express your resentment to someone if he/she is actually not at  fault. No matter how much you try to make him/her to expect the reasoning behind your anger and the not-so apparent context in which it was being said, nobody will take the first step forward to close the gap again, which was brought about by you. I guess, they are not supposed too. I understand 99% of the logic behind it today but the rest 1% still doesn't convince me why can't the other person be a bit more understanding, a bit more sensible, a bit more rationale. I won't debate over it ever, may be its the rule of human psychology that applies to all except may be our parents who happily forgive our misdeeds, not once but time and again.

As far as expectation is concerned, this is one of the most dreaded words for me. Why just word, it is that one intangible thing in my life which I fear the most. It had hit me so hard mostly because of my own ignorance, and absence of relevant previous experiences with it, that I had built a shell around me, built of detachment . I had become quite comfortable with it which helped me remain happy because of the emotional isolation  which I had slowly adapted myself to, and still enjoyed every moment in the company of my friends, close or not so close alike, like I used to do in the past. But I still  tried to win over expectation one more time when I thought I had collected enough ammunitions (read trust, understanding). I failed again. The burden of expectations became too heavy again..

I wont go into much details. I can't keep it short when I start writing. It was a mistake again on my part which I fully acknowledge. I regretted that day what i did and I still do so, both in terms of my anger and expectation. Today I curse myself for my expectation, but I dont regret my show of anger. I seldom express my anger even when I feel it burning inside. Today I did, and the cause must have been serious enough which didn't allow an individual like me to be not being able to restrain myself. I can find only one cause today, that is expectation. But I know I will win over it someday at least for once, the day when acquire the ammunitions I guess I dont have today,  selflessness, forgiveness, unconditional love may be..I can say this because I recovered some lost ground today at the end. Because this person in my life today is not as self-centered and inhumane like the one I knew that day..And because she came one step back too, to close the gap that was opened by me..

Time for some introspection,time for change..

The long wait has come to end, at last.The dreaded day we had anticipated for so long has finally arrived.My few friends and I finally got our joining letters from Wipro yesterday evening , much to our relief accompanied by a natural feeling of sadness among a few of us including me, who never had the experience of spending more than a week away from home. As far as I am concerned, neither do I know how to even prepare tea nor did I ever wash my cloths myself! Now the time has come to pay for my so far comfortable life. I will really miss my parents like hell the 1^st few months, the same way they will feel my absence. And yes, I will miss my blog too! Lately I have not been posting as much as I should have. Now, its going to get even more rare.The weekends are going to my only chance to post something from a cybercafe.Atleast,not before I get a new laptop or something. I guess,that will take a bit time to happen though.

I am still an amateur blogger, in the initial stages of the learning curve, still trying to learn how to use my blog-whether to pen every interesting piece of thought or memory that comes to my mind, thereby helping myself to get rid of this feelings of loneliness, (which have been a part of my life since times immemorial) or put in place some well structured articles, having some moral in the end. I am still confused about it the same way like I was the on the day when I started writing. Till date, I have hardly got about 10 distinct visitors and even fewer regular visitors. The 2 main reasons that come to my mind at 1^st instinct is the lack of awareness of the importance of weblogs(and even reading good novels for that fact)among the people around me and secondly the existence of a significant population in this world who use blogging as a source of income! Its like 5 or 6 out of 10 blogs I visit has some ads of some kind or another splashed across its pages.The more is the no.of ads, lesser seems to be the dedication on the blog’s owner part,as far as the articles are concerned.

One might question, about the relevance of this type of rumblings on my part, in times of a crisis of such magnitude. May be its because of this feeling of frustration and utter helplessness.A thought that no matter how much I rumble, nothing is gonna change, for words don’t speak if they are not read or heard!

Whatever my grudge is, I feel that this inherent laziness that many of us are born with in this country or the presence of a system that makes us lazy in due course of time is one of the many reasons that we are among the most passive people of all!. Till the end of my 1^st semester in engineering college I ACTUALLY used to study, keeping in regular touch with the course going on in classes, which gave me some extra motivation to pour over things in more details outside course-curricullum. The thought of finishing a whole subject within a couple of days before exam used to scare me. But this so called Engineering college fever started to engulf me slowly as time went by to such an extent that after 4 odd years I don’t remember much what I have studied so far in my stream of choice, for I had learned the art of studying for exams in 2 weeks or even less than that over these years. We had hailed the tested success of this art in every exam we had faced and sadly it had worked everytime. I once thought that ours is the only profession which preaches this or for that case students of IITs for instance were not our type.Well, I stand totally wrong on that fact today! But when students in medical profession try this ‘2 minutes noodles act’ in their course of study, then there remains no surprise whatsoever that why the common people are being misguided day-by-day with wrong treatments and even the lack of it. Sadly, my father has been one of the victims, cursed, just enough to suffer for the rest of his life, just due to some careless mistakes on part of these shameless people who call themselves doctors!

The ‘bandh’ culture of Bengal, the plush government jobs, this talk more-act less attitude are some of the prevalent reasons which make us lethargic with every passing second. That probably explains why we have failed to produce any more heroes like Dr. Bidhan Chandra roy, Subhas Chandra bose, Satyajit ray to name a few. The only idol we worship nowadays is Sourav ganguly. We don’t have any other option anyway. Oh I forgot,even he is gone now!

After so many incidents of blasts this year which caused causalities in the range of 50-100 , it did’nt seem enough to shake us.Its only when someone entered our ‘homes’ that made us feel the impact. What else other than our lethargic mindset towards life makes us act so late! So far the after-effect had been of sympathy for the families of the victims. Now it has taken the form of anger. A type of anger which we had shown in our closed quarters so far.But now it has come out in open. Whenever I have gone out for a stroll these days, the main discussion which has flown into my ears has been of the just ended tragedy. From the local shopkeeper to people on the streets, everyone has something or the other to tell. Whatever be the main topic of discussion, however irrelevant it may be, it gives me a little relief to see that the people are atleast taking some interest. Really, we ought to do it! To remain unaware of the political scenario of one’s own nation can be called as a type of ignorance of its kind, no matter how much well versed we are with our own business! But unfortunately, most of us have preferred to follow that path of ignorance so far in our life. Be it the recent bomb blasts, the Aarushi murder case, incidents of violence on the Christians or the hysteria around INS stolt valour. The most disturbing and shameful act I have witnessed is the growing rate of rapes and molestations of foreign tourists in our country! Does it justify our ‘incredible India’ image?! It does’nt come as a surprise though when the fact is that we can’t even respect the women of our own country!

I wonder, when was the last time we had so many people on the streets, shouting against the misdeeds of the government! When did we see so many SMSes on the news channels, throwing across their view on the present imbroglio! Atleast I have’nt seen so much of unified outrage in my short span of life so far. But we want more of it. Not just discussions and slogans, we need to act on our part too. We can’t just carry on with our life irresponsibly. We have to stand up against every visible form of injustice. Whether it’s the incessant loitering around the government offices to get our work done from these unbothered employees or grudging against the miserable state of our roads and its traffic, we have to protest against it! If it requires us to complain against the government officials for their callousness, so be it. We can’t just fight on the road with the other person who has just crashed(very loud word in fact!) onto our car, creating a ruckus all around, thereby throwing the traffic into complete disarray! We can’t just misuse the means to justify the ends. We do need to follow the hard way, not the shortcuts, for the shortcuts prove to be short itself whenever real social problems are concerned. The ethical way is always tough but it always helps in the long run.

Last but not the least, I would like to stress a point again which I had tried to focus on, in a fellow blogger’s comment section about the politicians.I think its high time that politics be treated as a JOB. Thats the only way by which we can stop people with criminal records in making their entry into the business and making it more dirtier in the process.

If the parties concerned do not do so(due to their vested interests), we need to have the right to call the shots, asking for the credentials of the nominated candidate, whom we are going to vote for. Otherwise, we are always going to have some Sharad pawar as the agriculture minister who has little knowledge of that sector as his educational profile shows or a KPS gill,who has almost destroyed our legacy in hockey! I do realize that all these are utopian ideas to think about. But to dream of an actual ‘India shining’ image, we need to dream big!

Where are we heading towards??

My heart bled.I felt like crying.But the tears wouldn't just flow, for I had made a so-called resolution quite some time back that I won't cry anymore as I had done so many times in the past. Boys just don't cry.In fact they must not cry! I don't fully know yet what makes me think like this but I so wished that just for a few moments, such thoughts didn't cross my mind.
I don't know what exactly to feel today when I see these pictures of blood, dead bodies, fire and above all, absolute terror everywhere,writ large on the faces of the victims and sympathizers at the very spot. I curse my luck, to have gone out of station yesterday, not having a single clue of what was happening outside my domain. I only got to know about all this only in the morning on a visit to a friend's house, and could only follow what had happened actually so far after I had returned home in the evening.Since then I have not been able to take off my eyes from the news channels for a second.Does anyone really care about all these except a handful??? If the most of us did, someone or the other could have talked about it with me on phone , just for the sake of it.Even if everyone feels for these 100 odd dead people today, I am not sure how much they will actually care about tomorrow! I have lost count of the no. of times we have been attacked this year. Just when I thought that it couldn't get any worse than this I have been proved totally wrong! I am simply short of ideas about how such an act of a gargantuan magnitude like this can go largely unnoticed. The militants have the so called sophisticated MP5s, large mag zines enabled for firing upto 300 bullets each, countless grenades and according to some, even rocket launchers!! Those people had come armed with even satellite phones which i don't think except a few, most of our forces have even heard of. And after all the mayhem has been enacted, the NSG forces arrive after 9 hours delay! Not before we had lost 2 of our valiant officers of the Mumbai police and the ATS chief.All we can do is 'salute' them or follow a minute of silence in their respect.Nothing more. These are the true leaders of the nation who acted fearlessly leading from the front and facing the bullets before their fellow soldiers! It was bound to happen because all that the government can provide our officers and soldiers is half sleeve non-bullet proof vests and a penetrable helmet. The government doesn't even care to look after the disparity of the pay-scales of our army men after the 6th pay commision review, and yet they expect them to fight hopelessly for us and our politicians, who can only think of the caste and creed of terror, Hindu or Islamic! Utter shame!!
I was really moved by the comments of some Mr. Sohail(whom I have seen many a times on screen but don't actually know who he is) on Times Now ,where he really poured his heart out.He rightly said that we are a bunch of hypocrites! We pretend to care today and forget everything tomorrow, unless one of our own relatives is one of the victims.We blame it on the people who are there for our security purpose and neglect their duties to do the same when all we should blame on, is the manner in which they are trained! Terrorism will always be there.It had always been here in some form or the other from the very beginning.But the way these terrorists plan the mode of their terror , we fail to replicate that in our own ways of POST-measures atleast if not counter measures. We still haven't learned the lessons surely.Someone said that the guards there at the hotel just ask people to show their identity and don't even bother to check the rear bonnets for a second.Why the hell do we expect then the terrorists to be caught at the very entrance possessing weapons? Where else would you see so much delay in organizing a well planned counter force within a short notice after the attacks? where else would you see a car going past you, slowing down at the right moment, with a terrorist in the back seat spraying bullets on you and just whiz past you the very next moment before you gather courage to look up again, laying there down to save yourself! Atleast I thought that these things used to happen only in the stupid Bollywood movies of old.I faced the reality today! Even the paramedics and ambulances are as late as ever.I feel roughly one-third of the people could have been saved so far in all the mishaps that befall upon us till date if proper medical help arrived just in time!
But again, who cares?? Most of us are busy watching the antics of the actors of big boss.The guy who got most of the attention till now was that cheap Rahul mahajan, the son of BJP spokesperson Mr. Pramod Mahajan who died just 2 years back. 'As father like son', seems to have no bearing on this fellow, who just doesn't care a bit about the worldly state of affairs,just jumping around the whole day around girls with his stupid theatrics.And the media just gorges on it thereby increasing the TRP of the show! How can the media stoop so low to give precious screen space to people like Rakhi sawant?! The more she makes her presence felt with some useless theatrics, the more the media gets attracted to her.How else can you explain the unavailibilty of real news for which the news channels came into being at 1st place! The INS stolt valor incident took nearly a month to come into forefront as an incident of concern, after Mrs Seema goyal's persistent efforts.It took a month more for the government to wake up and act for the release of the crew men.The 1999 Indian airlines hijack was brought back fresh again from the past memories! The men in power rarely care for its people. All they do care for is vote bank politics which we 'educated' lot seem to agree with, by succumbing to their ploys, and not choosing for ourselves what is right.We leave that decision to the lower middle cast and poor people to make, who hopelessly use their right of franchise.How many of us engage ourselves in some real social debate in our leisure time and form some opinion on a prevailing issue? well, we do form some.We fight for the farmers in Singur today.When the winds change, we totally disregard our previous stand and force the blame on the same person for whom we lend voices a fortnight back.Instead of balanced opinions we resort to biased ones.We only try to hide our mistakes by attaching ourselves to the presently favorable situations. We just don't want to admit our own stupid acts at any cost.
I am falling short of words now.I curse my luck at times about the control I have or lack of it, over things happening around me.But when I look up to see the misery around I get relieved of my own misery, which is nothing in comparison to the kind thousands of others face every moment.This might be an excuse to ignore my inability to make things happen. But whatever it is, it helps me gain my spirit again to stop ruing over mistakes which I can't rectify no matter how much I try.Life goes on, it has to. Just that it becomes at times seemingly impossible to carry on, for the people who lose their close ones unknowingly.I just hope against hope that the so-called notion of 'short memory' of the public gets erased so that we stand by the surviving victims long enough to help resurrect themselves.And for that we really need to shed a tear or two for the fellow citizens who are no more, those who don't matter to us practically but do so in actual reality!

No more..had enough of it!!

I don't remember the last time when after getting out of an exam hall after a REAL exam(the mocks don't count), I really felt confident that I have done well to get a good result.May be it was some meaningless routine end semester exam when it actually did happen. Otherwise the school exams are the only ones that I can think of, in distant past.Well, I am really getting clueless about my life now. I once used to think that its the wrong choices mainly, the ones influenced by some biased situations and my parents, that have pushed me down in my life apart from a not so hard working attitude. Now I wonder, whether I am even capable of making any good choice at all. They say, you should follow your heart and work towards things you are really passionate about in life. I thought, that I am doing the same and working towards my goal with utmost passion.I fell once, picked myself again. I stumbled many a times after my restart, but kept going on, hoping against hope that one day my hard work will pay off. I didn't lose hope nor my faith in the so called conspiracy theory of God. But NO, it didn’t work in the end. Not at all! I have fallen once again.I still don't know how it feels , nor do I know how to interpret this setback, yet again.

Sailing over the clouds on that plane the view looked so different, with all its splendor. Everything looked so small from the top, yet so colorful was the image. All of which I had watched since now in Wikimapia looked so absurd to me.Sometimes I thought they were not quite satellite pictures, but the impression of an artist’s imaginations.How wrong I was obviously! The geographical texture of the earth is actually what it seems to be on the computer screen, courtesy Google. I just wished that this high-flying experience never ends. I still wish the same, all the more now,for my feet are on the ground again. I am back to the form of an ordinary human being yet again. I don’t mind it anymore. I have become quite used to it now All that which hurts me is the pain and helplessness which I feel in my parents repeatedly, everytime they hope to expect some stroke of magic from me.And I fail to deliver every single time. Some people don’t get the chance they deserve for the lack of money.I on the other hand, waste my chances alongwith the money. I don’t know how much more they can withstand .I don’t know whether I can pay off all the debts I owe to them, in this present life.

I am getting exhausted .I have lost the required motivation, the guiding factor of one’s life..I just can’t carry on like this , pretending to everyone like all is normal. I need to do some soul searching now.But before that I need some rest. I am feeling a bit too tired.I don’t know how much time its going to take me.May be a couple of days of outing or a couple of weeks.May be more than that.And this break includes a leave from my blog too, for I don’t want to disappoint you few people I have as my audience, with these uninspired and sad tales of a loser.Afterall who the hell in this world would waste his time to hear my crap time and again! ? No one should, because time is precious.See you soon!